I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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