Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
