i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
