my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You pole danced in your parka.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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