I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
