We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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