My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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