just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
