Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
