there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
