I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize