...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
