Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
