i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
