I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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