Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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