Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
