I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
