He asked me if I "almost moaned"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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