38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
