i think i have herpe
just one?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
