I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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