He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
