im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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