so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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