ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
COCAINE IS GR8
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
