So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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