Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
