I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
