I faked an abortion last night.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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