I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
