i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
