You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
