this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
