Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Im part way to drunk.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dicks are not precious.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
