remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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