oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize