Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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