She's JV to your varsity
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
