My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
