ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
