you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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