Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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