Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
