Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
