I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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