when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
