I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
