you traded sex for a burrito?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize