Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
