Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Barsexuality is the new black.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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