i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
