she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
