i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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