So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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