Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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