wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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