If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
