remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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