So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
