Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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