Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
