you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So here I am, sexting at work.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
