May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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