Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
