btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
