if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
