my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
