I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
