America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
