I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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